Thursday, August 21, 2008

You Should at Least Have Facial Hair if You're Going to Take that Tone With Me

We're only one week into the new junior high school year here in the Farklpants household and already our vocabulary has been expanded to include such vernacular (being the normal spoken language for a little segment of society known as the PRE-TEEN) as:

  1. MySpace
  2. Text messaging
  3. Parents prohibited
  4. Attitude (not a word so much as it is symbolic speech and when I say symbolic speech I mean: eye-rolling and sucking breath through teeth)
Never fear, however, because we've introduced a few words of our own into Boy-Child#1's vocabulary as well [that being the normal spoken language for that large section of society known as PARENTS OF PRE-TEENS] and they are:

(Please note that the following numbered responses correspond with the above and also note that I would make a chart but that sounds like it would involve work)
  1. Parental access to your page in the form of your password so that we can monitor you.
  2. Prepaid phone (when it runs out that's just tough titties)
  3. Dream on
  4. That will cost you your MySpace and prepaid phone so you may want to find your happy place. Son. Capice?
It all started with this conversation:

Boy-Child#1: So-N-So has a MySpace page. I can't wait to go home and set up mine.

Tootsie: (double take and that eyeiiieyeiiiieyeiii sound from the Scooby Doo cartoons) Whoa now. Who said anything about a MySpace page? We'll have to talk about this.

Boy-Child#1: WHY?!? Fine. Whatever.

Then yesterday with this:

Boy-Child#1: How come So-N-So gets to go to Magic Mountain with friends and not his parents? You said I wasn't old enough to do that and he's my same age! (so indignant too!)

Tootsie: Good for So-N-So. I'm not his mother.

Boy-Child#1: So then I can't go with him if they go?

Tootsie: You barely make the weight requirement to be sitting in the front seat! You're ELEVEN! Like I'm gonna turn you loose in an amusement park without supervision.

And he didn't say it out loud but I'm sure that I suck. His face said as much.

It also got me to thinking that things are so different now than when I was his age. I mean, you know you're a child of the 70's when you remember things like seatbelts were an option at the dealership. You rode your bike barefoot and helmetless. An infant car seat equaled your mother's lap. You walked to school in kindergarten. You played outside unsupervised until it got dark. Hell, my brother and I were home alone while my mom worked and I was in charge...and NINE! I rode the city bus on weekends to go to the Galleria when I was not much older than Boy-Child#1. But I clearly remember my first non-chaperoned trip to Magic Mountain and I was fourteen. And if my mother felt, in those lackadaisical days of yesteryear, that fourteen was the appropriate age, then by golly eleven is too damn young. So dream on sport.


dorothy said...

LOL tough titties.

I fear for you and what else he is going to ask for this year. Yikes. If he asks for a tattoo, let him get one!

Mr Lady said...

SHUT UP. Eleven? This is my life 6 months from now?


My nephew is 17 and i STILL monitor his Myspace. And you know what? He kind of likes it. He won't admit it, but I hear it in his voice.

Or maybe I'm old and nuts, but I'm old and nuts and MONITORING HIS MYSPACE PAGE. :)

Kristi said...

I'm on my third teenager. Take my advice... he'll get a MySpace whether you know about it or not. He'll just make up some strange name to put it under that you'd never even think of... my suggestion is not necessarily getting his password, but stick to your guns about being able to see it whenever you want.

My daughter taught me a few things and I was surprised at the things she told me her friends did. She freely talked about them so it gave me some ideas on things to watch for with her. Turns out there were only a couple of little ones, but good lord... I wouldn't have EVER thought of some of them.

And the cell phone? Tmobile has unlimited texts on the family plan so my kids use those and don't use hardly any minutes. I set some rules with it and since I can check the minutes and texts (WITH the numbers they're to and from) I can catch them pretty quick if its someone I don't want them talking to or if its getting out of hand.

Anonymous said...

I don't even go to amusement parks unaccompanied.

seachange said...

Well, I must be the gestapo!

Kate did not receive a cell phone until she entered 9th grade. She also earned the money to pay for 1/2 of it.

Welcome to pre teen mood swings and the "gimmees." :-)

Woman with kids said...

My personal favorite response to Boy 1 is, Well, So-N-So's mom is nicer than yours. And he'll agree. And then I tease him for hours because *ack* he agreed with me on something!!

Ah, life is good.

O'Neal (The woman in charge around here) said...

Go ahead and let him have a myspace account with the condition that YOU get to be #1 on his top friends list.

You're cool, I'd put you in my top 24! ;)

Remember the old "car seats" that just hung over the seat with a steering wheel toy attached?

Manic Mommy said...

From what I've heard, Facebook is 'safer.' And what O'Neal said; make sure you have your own account and you're his friend.

I was Queen of the Eyeroll.

hulagirlatheart said...

My husband and I like to respond to the daughter's eyerolls by singing or dancing in public. At Pizza Hut Sunday she was teasing us about the fact that she will soon be able to date and "legally" kiss boys and we can't do anything about it. I loudly told Hubby to kiss me and give me some tongue like those teenagers do. He did. That shut her up.

Stacie said...

#4.ATTITUDE is going to land me some jail time but not before the little tyke (13 with size 14 shoe) gets his comeupance!!!

Autumn said...

I just had this talk with a couple of friends. I may have a heart attacke the day TJ comes home mentioning MySpace. He saw me on mine (which I rarely use) the other day and lit up like a Christmas tree. (DELETE!)

I told him it's not cool and it will give you cooties and a rash that'll make you beg for your momma.

Hopefully that buys me some time.

Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING said...

You are SOOO not cool mom anymore. Good for you.

Welcome to the next phase of technology temptations. Playstation and Wii never looked so preschool, I bet?


Marmarbug said...

God help me when my son is 11. And myspace for 11 year olds????? What has the world come too.
I too, remember wearing no seatbelt and sitting in the front seat of our old "battle wagon"/station wagon.
And we never wore helmets or shoes.
Things were better back then.

Amy @ Milk Breath and Margaritas said...

My daughter is now 19.5 and I remember the whole myspace thing, cell phones, etc... And rolled eyes and snarky comments. And gimme gimme, and you've NEVER done enough for them. Ever. Not possible. Ungrateful little turds.

Good luck with this. The other commenters who say he'll end up with a myspace anyway are probably right, I'm sorry to report. Some kids also keep double books - a "clean" page that mom and dad know about that's all innocent looking and then their "real" page. Kids suck.

When my boys are older I'm putting hubs in charge and telling him to call me when it's time to plan the graduation party.

Allie said...

Wow if I ever have kids they're going to hate me. I wouldn't let my kid go either. I have a myspace, I'll be his "friend"/ help you monitor him. hehehe

My niece who is a young teen has a myspace and she posted a bulletin that had sex in the title. Her mom (my sister) immediately asked WTF? Her reply, "uh, but muhoooom, it said that if I didn't repost it I would have bad luck for the rest of my life!!!!!" And yes it needed all the exclamation points. Make sure Boy child knows that is B.S. the only bad luck he'll have is a sweet loving mother to pound on him.

If you get a myspace I would totally be your friend.

~Momster said...

Oh. My. God. Mind if I just tag along and take notes...I have an 8 year old. I need to be prepared.

('re frickin' hilarious!)

Kaye Butler said...


I'm a product of the 70's also and I know where you are coming from!

My 13 year old wants to be left at a football game this Friday...NOT GONNA HAPPEN...

I won't let her have a myspace page either.

She does have texting...because I can TAKE IT AWAY and it feels so good to take it away.

Her face says I SUCK daily.

Love it

MamaHenClucks said...

I really, really, really don't ever want to have teenagers. Ever. And he's ELEVEN. Not even a teenager yet. *sigh* That means only 4 years to go.

As a child of the 70's my ownself, I totally remember those carefree days. If only I had known then that it would quickly be changing. I can't imagine not belting in and buckling up along with helmets and shoes for riding bikes.

You're blog is so funny. Thanks for letting me wander by!

Burgh Baby said...

I'm laughing WITH you, not AT you. Promise. I'm going to need a shoulder to cry on in about 10 years when I fight the same wars, so I need to stay on your good side.

You look fabulous today, btw. I would have thought you were a child of the 80's, you look so young.

Undomestic Diva said...

I'm having this same problem... with my 5 year old (going on 15). Yesterday while reading with him, I stopped to say something to his brother and he got pissed off and told me to "FOCUS MOM!" and then did that annoying thing with his two fingers to his eyes and then to mine and then back at his eyes. I asked him where he learned that and he sighed really loudly as said, "I'm FIVE Mom. I'm very smart... so where do you think I learned it?!"

Fuck me. I am so screwed.

Greta/Does This Blog Make Us Look Fat? said...

I'm in my happy place. I'm in my happy place. I have 5 more years.

Mr. Farklepants said...

To those who think he is going to get a myspace even if we tell him not to...

You don't know his father. (That would be me).

I built our network, I am the administrator, and I created his user account in Windows and set his permissions. I have VNC software running on his machine which means I can take control of it, or passively view his screen from my laptop anytime I want. I have only done it once, just to let him know I have the ability. But he KNOWS I have it.

I can reset his password or even delete his account anytime I want. He knows this too.

That being said unless he runs off at the mouth again, he'll get his Myspace page... and so shall I.

Facebook is getting boring anyway.

Swirl Girl said...

My kids are so innocent and yet so mature it scares the crap out of me.

The other day, eldest was playing soccer and got hit with the ball in her girlie parts. She shouted out - "Ouch, that just hit me in the nuts! "

I said, "dude - you don't have nuts. You dont' have a penis, so no nuts for you!"

Later that day, she wanted some pistachios...and said - "I don't have a penis, so no nuts for me!"

oy vey

Anonymous said...

We struggle with this stuff every day w/ our 13yo. We say NO to a cell phone, NO to myspace and NO to unsupervised anything. She fights it, but in the end I still think it's for the best. They already grow up too fast, I certainly don't need to help.

Minnesota Matron said...

Tootsie just inspired the daily blog post for the Matron. Coming later tonight -- thanks for this!!! Loved it.

Mama Dawg said...

Ahhhhhh...memories. I loved growing up in the early 80's.

Remember when white vans w/blacked out windows driving slowly through the neighborhood was scary. Now we have to keep our eyes on supposed 14 year old girls from a small town on the internet. Cause they might be 35 year old men in your town.

A New England Life said...

This is too funny! And true! I have a 15 year old daughter who has really put us to the test.

I completely agree with the other moms that if your child wants myspace bad enough, they will get it. Then clear the history bar after they've been on it! These kids are sneaky! Don't you worry though, they slip up. hee hee . . .

After 4,000 texts in 3 weeks (these were school weeks mind you) I have removed all texting. Cell phones go on the kitchen counter by 9:00 PM on a school night and during homework until the next morning.

And the 11 year olds at the amusement park with no supervision? Come on. Unfortunately, as you are going to learn real quick (if you haven't already), some parents just don't have a clue. And prefer it that way.

Good luck, and stick to your guns ; )

EatPlayLove said...

Yeah mom for holding your ground! I am right there with you... tough titties.

EatPlayLove said...

oh and may I add, I might just need to hire Mr. Farklepants just around the time your daughter needs such monitoring, mine will as well!

Marcy Writes said...

oh crap.
Is this what is ahead for me?

Indy said...

Not looking forward to this. Man.

Stu said...

Good job Mom.

I like to tel my kids that they live in a 'Benevolent Dictatorship' which translates into: 'I love you, but I am in charge and what I say, goes'.


JoeinVegas said...

Fine. Whatever.

Mekhismom said...

Another child of the 70s here. And I didn't go to an amusement park alone until I was 16 but that probably had more to do with the nearest one being 1.5 away.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Yep. Had many of these conversations.

And sometimes? The answer I'd give? "Because I said so." Ahhh. So delicious rolling off the tip of my tongue, it was. said...

I thought you were referencing MY facial hair there for a minute. I think you are handling it quite well.

JCK said...

Taking this tact now will SO reward you later. Good for you.

And Tough Titties, indeed.

kathy said...

Do you know my son? Is he living at your house too?

Seriously, he turned 12 two weeks ago. The hormones hit about 2 YEARS ago. He looks and thinks he actually is 16. :sigh: He was perfectly nice up until about 6 months ago and I didn't think it would start this early. I caught him on the phone with a girl last night at 11:30. Husband had a giant fit. And he could not see why we thought that was unacceptable.

Baby Favorite said...

I know... I can distinctly remember walking to kindergarten alone (in Orange County) and my friend & I taking a city bus to what was then called the Orange Mall.

If my kids get too far ahead of me in the mall, I panic. I can't imagine putting them ON A BUS and SENDING THEM THERE ALONE!

And my parents were considered overprotective, btw.

How times have changed!

pogonip said...

Yep, middle school is not fun for parents and adolescents are why God created a mom AND a dad. Hang in there, it does get better. Meanwhile, enjoy your developing young adult and the opportunities to talk about all kinds of controversial subjects with him.

L said...

That made me really hard. Which confirmed to me that I must be getting older. There was a time in my life where I would have found that really unfair, but now I completely agree. So this is what adulthood is like..

Nora Bee said...

Go you! The coolest mom around.

Colleen said...

"so you may want to find your happy place."

can I use that threat on my husband?

Mel, A Dramatic Mommy said...

Mine is 5 going on 15 too. The attitude is amazing. We had to "talk" a few times today. The eye rolling and throwing up the hands and going in his room and shutting the door! I'm getting ready to go postal on his little ass.

Stick to your guns. Better to be a hardass now when we can still make them cry than to try and reign them in when they're taller than we are.

And Magic Mountain? My mom dropped me off with my brother (9 years younger than me) when I was 13 or 14. So 11 is so out of the question especially with the things I've heard about the park.

Sunangel said...

I am behind on my blog reading but if it makes you feel any better, my 11 yr old daughter (only child) has the same vocabulary and the same attitude about being unchaparoned. Like I am ever going to let her walk around the rodeo without an ankle monitor!
BTW, I still remember the 70s. I rode my bike without a helmet and shoes and have the scars to show for it!