So This Should Make Up for all Those Reasons I was Slated for Hell

One evening around Christmastime, while driving home just around the corner from my house, I witnessed a large deer strolling right up the middle of the street. Like it was something he did all the time. I even pulled over to the side of the road to watch. It's just not something you see everyday in a Los Angeles suburb. Sometimes we'll see them up on the hill and we do have street signs posted with warning of deer crossings but you just don't see them out and about in the neighborhood. Especially, you know, as part of traffic.

I also once watched a dog dart across a busy freeway several cars ahead of me. So fast that no one even had time to tap their brakes. As I passed and watched for him through my rear view mirror I wondered if he made it safely. I'll never know but always hoped that he did.

And one time I hit and killed a squirrel who'd changed his direction halfway while crossing a street. Feel free to ask Mr. Farklepants how I reacted to that. Hysterical crying doesn't even begin to describe it. Stupid squirrel. What squirrel doesn't make it to the other side?

Yesterday as the children and I piled in the car and left Boy-Child#1's hair cut appointment [which, by the way, Dude looks like a rock star. Not the point of this story, just thought you should know], I noticed a lone toddler standing on the sidewalk near the corner of the street that ran through the parking lot and a driveway that led to a busy four lane road. A four lane road with few stop lights which allowed traffic to move very quickly. Bunch a lead foots in this town with nothing to thwart them. It made me nervous seeing him roam there since I don't even like to be that close to a busy street when I'm holding my own children's hands.

I said out loud, "Where's his parents?". And inside my head screamed at me: DID YOU HEAR WHAT YOU JUST SAID?!? THAT CHILD IS ABOUT TO WALK INTO TRAFFIC JUST LIKE THAT DOG YOU SAW ON THE FREEWAY ALL THOSE YEARS AGO YOU DAFT WOMAN!!! FOR GOD SAKE REMEMBER THE SQUIRREL?!?! My mind yelled at me in all caps. The following all happened so fast but also in slow motion [like through soup, or fog, or like a dream feel free to use your own simile here]:

I realized that where the toddler was positioned that if anyone were to turn into that driveway they would not be able to see him. And he was right at the edge. I no sooner pulled my car to a stop and put it in park, AND JUST as I was opening my door; a car approached from the street with its right blinker on. I literally FLED [note to self: when was the last time you fled? Answer: Not lately] from my car, arms flailing, and screaming at the top of my lungs STTTTOOOOOOOOOOP! Or maybe it was NNNOOOOOOOOO! I don't remember. Because just as that car pulled in, the toddler stepped off the curb. And I'm sure the sight of a running, screaming, flailing, lunatic woman was enough for the driver to stop her minivan. Because she must have stopped. She didn't hit me and I didn't pause as I ran in front of her car and scooped the toddler up, grabbing him by the armpits.

Where the hell were his parents? There was not another person, adult or otherwise, except for the woman driving the minivan, anywhere. Were his parents in one of the many shops? In the restaurant? At a bus stop? I can't go searching for them because my own children were still strapped in my car which, by the way, was impeding traffic. My car door still flung wide. Or was it closed? Engine off but keys still inside. I can't move my car because I can't take the child with me. I'm literally just standing there interrogating this little short person. Who is probably less than two years old. I asked him, "Where's your mommy?". He answered, "Truck!!". I start scanning the parking lot looking for a truck with someone inside.

Just then an elderly woman emerged from the restaurant and I practically yelled at her, "Is he with YOU?". No. Then the woman from the minivan approached, quite shaken, and let me know that she hadn't seen him at all until she looked in the direction I was running. A couple of more people showed up. One lady asked if she should call the sheriff. The woman who drove the minivan gave me a hug. I'm sure I still had a wild look about me.

I'm not really sure what I said at this point because my adrenaline rush was kicking in and everything had a WAA WAA WAA sound to it. I remember sputtering out that my own children were still in the car and I don't know who this kid is but he's alone. Or something probably less coherent. I don't know. Words came out. I think. All I could do was look at him with his sandy blond hair, bright blue eyes, grey t-shirt with construction vehicles on it, denim shorts, and green Crocs. All I could think about was that the worst that would have happened to me taking a minivan to the hip would probably be a broken hip. And the worst that would happen to him... well, I can't even think about it. Even though I was totally thinking about it.

At some point during all this the elderly woman had gone inside the restaurant to inquire if anyone was missing a toddler. His father emerged from the restaurant, and by the looks of him I'd say he was busy eating ALL OF THE PANCAKES IN IHOP. I don't know how that much time can go by that you don't go looking for your missing child. It's a restaurant for chrissake, not an amusement park. I mean if he's not sitting at the table with you, don't you wonder? Where did that rapscallion go? For all that father knew, his child had wandered outside into the company of a few adults.

I'll never know because I didn't speak to him. I'm not even sure if I said goodbye to the people who helped. I just walked back to my car [still impeding traffic] to my own children and tried not to have a meltdown. And told them, "This! This is why I'm such a freak about wanting to know exactly where you are!" To which Girl-Child replied, "Mommy, you screamed really LOUD". Then it occurred to me that my throat was really sore.

Then I spent the next few hours trying to stop myself from playing the "what if?" game in my head...

What if we'd left the salon 30 seconds later?
What if the sprinklers hadn't suddenly come on which caused me to dash in my car and pull out quickly because I JUST got it washed?
What if I'd taken the 3:30pm appointment instead of the 10:30am?
What if I had minded my own business?
What if I'd driven out the other exit?

What if....