Mom, I Think Your Purse is Ringing

I'm one of those rare people that actually uses their cell phone when the need to speak with someone cannot wait until I can get home and email them (because my fingers can say in ten words what my mouth isn't capable of conveying in a hundred). As a result of my lack of cell phone use, I have not mastered the fine art of talking and simultaneously doing something else. Like driving a car or navigating a shopping cart. In either case, I need to pull the vehicle over; or push it over, as it were. So yesterday while marketing, my Boy-Child#1 alerted me to my ringing purse. Which, of course, I couldn't wrestle out in time to retrieve. Which led to pushing buttons to find out who called. My husband. Which led to me trying to call him back. And he was trying to call me back. And my battery was on it's last life. And it became this whole thing. So when I finally get him on the phone, I was all frustrated, and at the same time trying to locate the broccoli in the frozen food section (how can a store run out of broccoli? Where is the broccoli, dammit?) and I was all stuck there because I cannot fathom walking, talking, pushing a cart, and wrangling three children all at the same time. It MAKES MY LAST NERVE COMMIT SUICIDE BY CATCHING ITSELF ON FIRE. And my husband wants to know "where the Christmas lights to trim the outside of the house are?" And I'm all, "wherever you put them after you took them down last year. How should I know?" And he was all "what's your problem?" And I was like, "I can't see our garage from here. Cuz there are too many streets and houses blocking my view, Dude" And then he went, "okay. whatever. I'll look. Bye." "Bye."

So then I got home and he was like, "I couldn't find them. Did we throw them away last year?". And I was all, "I don't remember. Are you sure you looked?". Cuz when I look, I actually move items around and, you know, LOOK. And he says, "yeah". And I doubted him. So I go out there and in the first storage door I opened, guess what I found? The lights. Clearly the only way he was going to find them by "looking" for them is if he opened the garage door to find it completely empty and the strands of Christmas lights sitting dead center with a giant red bow on top. Plugged in and blinking.