Saturday, December 22, 2007

She Still Has A Pulse

I finally took charge and called 1-800-4my-xbox because it was apparent that a certain couch potato in this house, who shall remain nameless Mr. Farklepants has lost his ability to pick up a phone and deal with technical matters. I am, shall we say, technically challenged. It is some kind of holy miracle that I'm even able to navigate the capabilities of my own blog. Thanks be to Jesus. Amen. So, I get Max from Xbox on the line - although I suspect his name is pronounced more like Rahim judging by his distinct East Indian accent, but, Max it is!- Max and I chatted. He asked me 98 questions. I answered most of them. We smoked a bowl and troubleshot via phone. It was all kinds of good. Max was rad. After he asked me to turn the system off, wait 10 seconds, and turn it back on; and yes, SURPRISE! The 3 blinking red lights were in fact, still there; he extrapolated and triangulated then diagnosed the problem is one with the hard drive. Really? Yes. No duh. Xbox360 Max will be sending a special box that will be used to ship the system back to the Wonka Factory for repairs; and sometime in March my boys will be able to play with their Christmas gifts. EXAGGERATE MUCH? Okay. Late January. Still has that certain "je ne sais quoi suck".

I did mention previously that I have to come up with something to stave off the Christmas morning disappointment. Giving a child a gift that they cannot use is just, cruel. So I summoned the "WTF Do I Do Now" Gods and they blessed me. Boy-Child#1 is getting one of these which was easy to run out and pick up in the off shopping hours Friday morning:

Unfortunately, inspiration for Boy-Child#2 didn't strike until late morning today. Saturday. Not your average Saturday. The last Saturday before Christmas in shopping hell, Saturday. THAT Saturday. The brilliant idea? DRUMROLL.....Heelys!

This required a trip to the local Sport Chalet. Not much trouble parking, surprisingly. I found a style of Heelys with a camouflage pattern on them. Big score. Would they have his size? What size would you like these in Ma'am? Size 3 please. Why, yes Ma'am we have those. Here they are. Oh thank you! Thank you! This was too easy. After I showed my great appreciation; I removed my tongue from the twenty-something's mouth, and went and stood in line. For 3 days. And me without my bottle of water. Bloating was starting to occur from the thermostat that was set at 180 degrees in the store. Dehydration was setting in and I could hear voices. Is that you, God? It's me Tootsie. Oh. Wait. No. It's the cashier. Next customer please. Finally. I paid and stumbled out of the store and gasped the fresh, brisk air. Get me home! I loathe crowds. It does funny things to me. Can you tell?

These gifts will be from Mom and Dad. The video games can be from St. Nick. Let Santa be the suck. Parents rule!

14 comments:

Badness Jones said...

..."after I removed my tongue from the twenty-something's mouth"....lol! Tootsie you kill me!

(psst! can I help with your french?...try 'je ne sais quoi')

Karen said...

Way to save Christmas! The kids will love those, and thank goodness you were able to get them fairly easy. I, too, ended up shopping yesterday and surprisingly the crowds weren't as bad as last week.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

Badness Jones~ Thanks for the heads up on my French snafu. I knew I should have Googled further. LOL!

Karen~ The traffic just to turn into the strip mall parking lot was worse than the inside of the store. The streets were madness!

1blueshi1 said...

Tootsie, your French is perfect. I just wish I knew how to cross out words like "quoi" to replace them with better ones like "suck"! hehehe
what is that first object? is it some type of skateboard? I think Zac would really like one of those.

Chester The Bear said...

Way to go girl. Hang the broken piece of X-box excrement on Santa's sorry behind.

Exceptional thinking.

Madame Queen said...

Max must be related to "Dave" at our mortgage company.

Mrs. G. said...

Laughing over here. I haven't heard the term "smoke a bowl" in a long, long time. Thanks for the memories.

Merry Christmas, Tootsie.

JCK said...

I'm laughing my ass off over here, too. Between smoking a bowl and talking to God during the check-out with a little je ne sais suck thrown in. You slay me...glad it is working out perfectly! Smart move on uping yourselves instead of Santa.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

1blueshi1~ Ah yes. It's a Razor RipStick! Very cool. And to get the line through your words go here:
http://www.bloggingbasics101.com/101/2007/01/how_do_i_cross_.html
I use "strike" instead of "del" as they instruct. I tried to just tell you how to do it in this comment but it wouldn't allow the html. I'm sorry.

Chester~ Welcome back world traveler!

Merry Christmas everyone!

1blueshi1 said...

thanks Tootsie! I showed the pic to Zac and he said it was a new kind of skateboard but he prefers his Razr scooter. Thank goodness something I've bought has lasted around here. Hope the kids love their gifts, Merry Christmas! And thanks for the Christmas present (how to do the lines through); I will experiment!

Madame Queen said...

Yes, thanks for the tip on how to do the strikethrough!! I've been wanting to be able to do that for ages.

Just wanted to stop by again and wish you a Merry Christmas. One of the things I'm most thankful for this year is all my new friends. And that includes you!

Amy said...

Hi there! I just wandered on your blog through who knows whose other blog! Just wanted to let you know that I have enjoyed reading it, you are HILARIOUS!!! Thanks for the laughs and Merry Christmas!

ALF said...

Sounds like Christmas is going to be awesome at your house - way to go! Merry Christmas!

HRH said...

love the max story.