She Still Has A Pulse

I finally took charge and called 1-800-4my-xbox because it was apparent that a certain couch potato in this house, who shall remain nameless Mr. Farklepants has lost his ability to pick up a phone and deal with technical matters. I am, shall we say, technically challenged. It is some kind of holy miracle that I'm even able to navigate the capabilities of my own blog. Thanks be to Jesus. Amen. So, I get Max from Xbox on the line - although I suspect his name is pronounced more like Rahim judging by his distinct East Indian accent, but, Max it is!- Max and I chatted. He asked me 98 questions. I answered most of them. We smoked a bowl and troubleshot via phone. It was all kinds of good. Max was rad. After he asked me to turn the system off, wait 10 seconds, and turn it back on; and yes, SURPRISE! The 3 blinking red lights were in fact, still there; he extrapolated and triangulated then diagnosed the problem is one with the hard drive. Really? Yes. No duh. Xbox360 Max will be sending a special box that will be used to ship the system back to the Wonka Factory for repairs; and sometime in March my boys will be able to play with their Christmas gifts. EXAGGERATE MUCH? Okay. Late January. Still has that certain "je ne sais quoi suck".

I did mention previously that I have to come up with something to stave off the Christmas morning disappointment. Giving a child a gift that they cannot use is just, cruel. So I summoned the "WTF Do I Do Now" Gods and they blessed me. Boy-Child#1 is getting one of these which was easy to run out and pick up in the off shopping hours Friday morning:

Unfortunately, inspiration for Boy-Child#2 didn't strike until late morning today. Saturday. Not your average Saturday. The last Saturday before Christmas in shopping hell, Saturday. THAT Saturday. The brilliant idea? DRUMROLL.....Heelys!

This required a trip to the local Sport Chalet. Not much trouble parking, surprisingly. I found a style of Heelys with a camouflage pattern on them. Big score. Would they have his size? What size would you like these in Ma'am? Size 3 please. Why, yes Ma'am we have those. Here they are. Oh thank you! Thank you! This was too easy. After I showed my great appreciation; I removed my tongue from the twenty-something's mouth, and went and stood in line. For 3 days. And me without my bottle of water. Bloating was starting to occur from the thermostat that was set at 180 degrees in the store. Dehydration was setting in and I could hear voices. Is that you, God? It's me Tootsie. Oh. Wait. No. It's the cashier. Next customer please. Finally. I paid and stumbled out of the store and gasped the fresh, brisk air. Get me home! I loathe crowds. It does funny things to me. Can you tell?

These gifts will be from Mom and Dad. The video games can be from St. Nick. Let Santa be the suck. Parents rule!