Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Aside from Home it's Where I Spend the Most Time


I try really hard to be an organized shopper when venturing out to the grocery store. I go through cabinets, pantries, and refrigerators looking to see what needs replacing. I'll check the drinks in the garage because I think we're personally supplying every child on this street with Gatorade - it's the Thirst Quencher (for a while it was 2 six packs for five dollars so I didn't care. Now it's not and I'm starting to care). Then after I'm finished taking inventory, I add my dinner necessities to the list. And it never stinkin' fails! I will forget something! Even though I've graduated to actually checking the weight of the cereal box in the pantry rather than just noting its presence; when will I LEARN that a single gallon of milk in the fridge is insufficient? So I'm always making these frequent stops for random items. Last week it was a Toys R Us gift card, mayonnaise, and AAA batteries. Last night I picked up coffee filters and tampons. I was convinced that if I had asked for matches I would have been added to the terrorist watch list. And when you stop to purchase two items at 8:30pm, one of them being a feminine hygiene product, you're pretty much announcing to everyone in line including the dude with a single 40 ouncer of Miller High Life that "yes I'm menstruating and my needs have become immediate" but at least I'm not an alcoholic. God help me.

On a rare positive note: I attended the parents meeting at the junior high school last night, and can I tell ya something? Kinda wanna go back to jr. high. I know. Weird. I want to follow the dress code, work on the yearbook, eat a chalupa, and pass a note in class that says "Do you like me? Circle yes or no".

40 comments:

JoeinVegas said...

Back to junior high? And give up all the people you have around you now? My goodness, you must have been popular back then to remember it well. (or do you not remember it at all?)

Madame Queen said...

I'd much rather go back to junior high than high school. Those were the good ol' days.

Coffee filters + tampons + matches = terrorist watch list = hilarious!

caution said...

We are in the second year of junior high in this family. Go back? NEVER! A redo of the college years?? Gladly.

Saucy said...

Tootsie must be an alcoholic, if she wants to go back to junior high! Circle yes or no.

Karen said...

I know the people who work at my neighboring grocery store by name, I notice when they change departments, and when they get new hair styles. This is not right. But I end up there every other day, no matter how hard I try to be organized.
Oh and Jr. High again? Couldn't pay me enough!

dorothy said...

You don't want to go to back to junior high! Trust me.

stu said...

I'm circling Yes.

-Stu

MommyTime said...

Oh, Lord, there's not enough money in the world to convince me to go back to junior high!

Know how I stopped those constant trips to the grocery store? I instituted a little game with myself to try to use up all the random items in the pantry and freezer, and I made a FIRM rule that there was only going to be one trip to the store per week. As long as it's a game, no one minds the lack of mayonnaise. Anyway, I plan the menus, so I just cook around that lack till the next shopping trip.

scargosun said...

Junior High - no.

I have given up on getting everything at the g store in one trip. I pass a couple on my way home anyway. Usually it's P that has forgotten to tell me we are out of something he is in charge of.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

There was no man with a 40 ouncer, was there? It was in your little basket, wasn't it? You drank it all in under five minutes, didn't you? There is no other explanation for wanting to go back to Junior High. You must be a raging alcoholic. Unless, of course, you WERE a raging alcoholic and just don't remember those days.

Circle Yes or No.

Queen Goob said...

Junior High - No
College before I had spawn - YES!

Melissa said...

I'd rather go back to the grocery store than junior high.

HRH said...

At least you didn't buy matches...

At least you aren't an alcoholic...

I circle "yes" unless that would be a girl-girl thing in Jr. High which might not be cool, so I only circle "yes" if it will be OK for our social standing. Otherwise way "no". Way "no".

Kalynne Pudner said...

You think you want to go back to Junior High? Remember what it's like to be there when you're menstruating and your needs have become immediate.

Karen said...

Menstruating in junior high is never a good time. Especially coupled with a 40 ounce beer.

hippo brigade said...

Just be glad the clerk didn't try to make conversation with you about your tampons. I was at the store and bought a pregnancy test, just to have on hand, and the lady waved it in the air, told her friends on the intercom about it, and shouted a hearty, "GOOD LUCK" as I left. Let's just say, It's a good thing I don't embarrass easily.

Madge said...

I am convinced that if I do not frequent my grocery store at least five times per week the world will stop spinning and we will all go flying off into space. You can thank me anytime.

Colleen said...

"yes I am menstruating and my needs have become immediate"...that is hysterical!

as for Junior High? No...I had un-straightened teeth, bad hair, worse glasses, no breasts, and panic attacks most mornings before school.
High School, maybe, since I had contacts, a rockin' perm and big bangs, was in the process of getting some purdy teeth, finally had some semblance of boobs, and lots of cute boys to crush on.
college--definitely...and I would go out dancing EVEN MORE!!! and wear even HOTTER CLOTHES!

oy...need to settle down...sorry ;)

Steph said...

I hate when I forget something after I have just come back from the grocery store, as for Junior high you can keep it, I was awkward Jr.. higher!!!

A Mom Two Boys said...

Junior High? Bleh. BLEH.

(Yes)

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Honey, you've got one hell of a selective memory. Or else you were one of the mean girls who tyrannized everyone else...

Nicole said...

Hahah, I loved Jr. High, even though I was treated like shit by the majority of my male classmates. =( I was a good sport and just laughed in their faces. Heh.

I love love love going to the grocery store. Especially if it is whole foods. Gelato? Yum!

Lisa Milton said...

Did you just say you wanted to go back to Jr. High? Is this possible?

That's enough to make me drink. More.

dana wyzard said...

JUNIOR HIGH? I would rather light the tampons, sing happy birthday to myself and join the dude with the 40 ouncer. I think there's a twelve step program that will take care of you now.

Nicole said...

ps: this reminded me of the photo on your blog: http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/10/31/the-your-mother-doesnt-work-here-of-the-hospitality-industry/

katydidnot said...

*circling yes*

Tootsie Farklepants said...

Nicole~ Ha! That's awesome. The comments are hilarious.

Jason said...

I can NEVER run out of coffee filters. That would be worse than running out of tampons.

Angie said...

My favorite is when my idiot husband will see me putting away the groceries and ask if I got any deodorant for him. Ummmm no! Did you mention you needed deodorant yesterday when you saw me making my list? Did you mention you needed deodorant when I told you I was running out to the grocery store? HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW YOU NEED DEODORANT?! I guess I have to start doing a pit sniff in the mornings now, too.

KEEP BELIEVING

EatPlayLove said...

Damn, you are good. If I stopped at the grocery store for feminine hygiene products, it would also accidentally include- lots of carbs, sugar, and definitely salt. My pms'ing self is very confused as to what it likes, so I like to keep the bases covered.

Btw..is there some sort of menstrual cycle "sync" that happens when you read someone's blog regularly??

Jennifer H said...

I'm trying to figure out what a person could make from coffee filters, tampons and matches. Emergency flares, maybe?

"My needs have become immediate" --so funny.

Circling yes.

JCK said...

Junior high...maybe. But now...I can send my husband out to buy me tampons. I carry a whip and wear a cat suit most of the time to make up for his fulfilling my needs.

Nora Bee said...

Here's to buying tampons at 8:30 pm!!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Consider it some more. I don't think you really do.

laurie said...

never.
never.
i never want to go back to junior high.

clearly you did not have the same experience wearing plaid tweed hot pants (made by mother) to school that i did.

laurie said...

(with a matching vest, no less.)

g said...

What, no chocolate?

jennyonthespot said...

Me too. I try to make 1 trip a week, but I make 7 to 9. I try to vary my shopping times nowadays, because I think the hot produce guys suspect I may be stalking them. Perhaps, the doctor says "an apple a day", right? :)

Melanie said...

LYLAS. Pass the chalupas.

ekbetsy said...

Tootsie, you clearly either don't remember Junior High, or you attended it on a different planet.