It's turn off the tv week at the boys school. And, excuse me, but who the hell is the school to tell me to turn off my tv? Who are they to determine that television viewing isn't considered quality family time? Mr. Farklepants and the boys watch sports together and discuss strategies, rules, and
fantasy league scores stats. And gives him an opportunity to discuss erectile dysfunction and the reason for Cialis; scarring my children for life now that they're aware of what that knowing look the middle aged couple with his malfunctioning penis in the commercial exchange means when those unexpected guests show up at their house. They know that it means "sweet Jesus don't do anything that will trigger this unless you want to meet me in the bathroom in five minutes otherwise I'll end up with a boner lasting longer than four hours and how awkward would it be to call an ambulance and explain that to our guests?".
I watch very little television. The Office is the only weekly show that I tune in to see, regularly. I watch Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune almost nightly but I do watch it with the kids and we play together as a family. Even if my two youngest shout out answers like "Who is George Washington" for every category related to presidents. And vice presidents. It at least gives us a platform for discussing such facty truths like "George Washington was never a vice president". See? Our children is learning. The school also included a handy list of alternate activities (I will spare you all 30 suggestions and my commentary is in red):
- Tell your child about the day they were born ( yes, and I'll include how I took a crap on the delivery table and also the intimate details of an episiotomy we'll call this birth control)
- Have a family car wash (I haven't washed my own car in over a decade why start now? Unless I could just get the kids to do it, but then that would trigger my OCD and I'd be all "you're doing it wrong!" and I'd have to finish it myself. And pissed be about it. How fun is that!)
- Go to the museum (on a school night? Maybe if you cancel homework)
- Go roller blading or ice skating (and the school district can pay my hospital bill)
- Play hide and seek outdoors (and the school district can pay my bail when I'm arrested for hiding in the neighbors hedges)
- Fly a kite (provide wind)
- Plan a slumber party (provide Prozac)
It should really be "turn off your blog week". Mom.