Ward and June Farklepants

A rare event happened here at Vintage Thirty this weekend. Mr. Farklepants finally took an interest in my hobby read my blog. He even left a comment regarding his Senseo that he is currently licking. And because I know that comments from previous posts sometimes go unread, I thought I'd shine a spotlight on it. And pick it apart, of course.

Mr. Farklepants defends his purchase:

"Just to clear something up. I got that damn thing for free.... well kinda... I filled out some survey on the Senseo website and at the end I got a "congratulations!" page informing me that I had qualified for a "free" Senseo. When I went to claim my "free" Senseo I was prompted for my credit card information because while the coffee maker was free, the shipping was not. So I paid $15. Still, not bad."

Adheres to the proverb: All is well that ends well

"I answered all the survey questions in such a way that it would seem I would be influential in getting others to buy one. I lied of course but this blog entry now makes up for it."

Throws me under a bus and confesses that our marital roles are akin to June and Ward Cleaver.

"What my lovely wife is not telling you all is that I do not know how to make my own coffee. I do not know where the filters are, I do not know how much coffee to put in the filter after I find them. I do not know how much water to put in the water thingy (you fill it to like 8 cups, and only 2 come back out. obviously there is some evaporation going on or something but where, i don't know). On top of that I do not even know how much sugar and milk to put in the cup since tootsie does it. (You should have seen the look on the face of our office assistant at work when I told her that one). So next time Tootsie is away and I have to fend for myself I will at least be able to make my own coffee. It still won't have just the right amount of sugar and cream but at least I'll have coffee."

The above is all entirely true. We have very pre-feminist traditional roles in our marriage. He brings home the bacon and I grill fry it up in a pan. We have 3 children so I spent a good portion of our married years barefoot and pregnant. He takes out the trash and tackles home improvement projects and sometimes finishes them. I do everything else. And what Mr. Farklepants did not tell you is that the office assistant he refers to in his comment, is a female. And she wants a wife just like me.

Then he goes on to dissuade any of my readers from ever wanting to come to my house for a cup of Senseo coffee:

"And for the record, I did use my penis."

So, if I promise to make it, then you're at least safe from that.

And last but not least, validation:

"Did you notice I used the Senseo this morning since you were AWOL?"

We've come full circle here, folks. Mr. Farklepants was able to brew his own coffee when his wife drank too much at a friends house the night before and had to sleep in her clothes in their guest bedroom and forgot her favorite hoop earrings on the night stand chose not to drink and drive.