Sunday, March 9, 2008

His Therapist Will Send Me a Bill Plus a Thank You Note

This post brought to you by your feminine hygiene product of choice

Sometimes, you just can't make this stuff up. I've had the "where babies come from" informational convo with Boy-Child#1 but there are some specifics I apparently didn't delve into.

Me: (to Mr. Farklepants) It seems like I'm getting my period like all the time now.
Mr. Farklepants: Really?
Me: Seems like every two weeks. But I'm not really keeping track.
Boy-Child#1: What's a period?
Me: Well, when a woman ovulates. Well. When the egg is ready to be fertilized, it's released from her ovaries and...
Boy-Child#1: Okay. Nevermind.
Me: ...it waits to be fertilized by the man's sperm.
Boy-Child#1: OKAY!
Me: ...and when it isn't the woman's body gets rid of it.
Boy-Child#1: How?
Me: She bleeds for seven days out of her vagina.
Boy-Child#1: RUNS SCREAMING FROM THE ROOM COVERING HIS EARS


Mr. Farklepants and I high-fived. [not really but I looked at him and he looked at me and we were both just right there]

25 comments:

Angela said...

Oh my God. That was hilarious.....I am totally scripting this to use in conversation with my own children. Flawless approach.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

That is AWESOME. Congratulations on a job well done!

katydidnot said...

hahahahahahaha. i always high five when i've scarred them for life. in a not terrible way.

Allie said...

That is awesome, hilarious, and scary all at the same time. When my mom and I first had the sex conversation I cried. This was scary information that I couldn't handle. A boy puts what where? Oh the horror.

Funny how now that I'm older it doesn't make me cry at all...except when I'm not getting some when I'm wanting some. Was that too much information? Oh well.

Karen said...

Way to go! He may never have sex. All that bleeding going on at who knows what time is enough to scare the crap out of any boy.

Melissa said...

nice.

Jennifer said...

Oh man...you're lucky that your husband has the stomach for that convo. Mine would've been the one running from the room covering his ears. He doesn't even want to acknowledge women poop. As far as he's concerned, nothing but gumdrops and sunshine come out of our butts. That's a lot to live up to, let me tell you.

laughingatchaos said...

I so cannot wait to do this to my two boys. Can.Not.Wait. The crap I put up with...ooh, can't wait for girlfriends, too! :)

HRH said...

i was disturbed at that....hahahaha

dorothy said...

LOL! Wow. That is awesome.

stephanie said...

My guess is he will start asking every girl he gets near if she's bleeding. Out of her vagina. Or, if he's more shy, he'll find a way to surreptitiously determine whether or not she is...

Brilliant stuff.

Sue said...

So funny, I just laughed loud enough for my girls to say, "What?".
"Oh nothing, you'll find out soon enough"! :)

jennifer h said...

Oh, that's awesome.

Schools should hire you for health class. Teen pregnancy would decline, without the heavy-handed uselessness of teaching abstinence.

Angie said...

You'll be running when he starts talking about his own sex life.

I loathe the sex talk days - whenever they arrive.

Finally did my meme, btw.

KEEP BELIEVING

Melissa said...

You are a cruel mommy!! I love it! Are you saving for his couch time now?

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I hope you thanked him for the blogging gold!

Tootsie Farklepants said...

Sometimes I just gotta give it to him straight.

slow panic said...

perfect. i'm close to having that conversation at my house. i may just print this out and give it to him.

Dad Stuff said...

Straight talk is the best talk. But I ran from the computer screaming too.

dkuroiwa said...

okay..so now, i'm laughing too hard to really put together a good comment...so...just...what everyone else has said...okay??
(I think I had this kind of conversation with my brothers one time...same result....!!!)

You rock, tootsie!!

EatPlayLove said...

OMG! That's the best. I'm still in limbo on the whole period thing with my 4 year old. Maybe she can just meet your son, he'll fill her in!

stu said...

How can this be? There is not a holiday in site.

Are you coming to a school near us to give your talk anytime soon?

Sounds like my plan for helping my kids not to have sex too early; I will 'explain' how Stephanie and I have sex. "Well, you see, when I have your Mom's leg like this, and her hand is here...." That should give them the chills when just making out. Stephanie is not quite on board with this technique yet.

-Stu

Tootsie Farklepants said...

My apologies to the men and any eye sores this post may have caused.

Stu~ I think that technique is brilliant! I can't think of better birth control than that. St. Patricks day is on Monday. Just sayin.

Lisa Milton said...

The last tampon chat I had with my kids came in the wee hours of the morning while we were visiting my in-laws.

I was hardly awake as Zack started asking question after question.

I think Greg was pretending to sleep, leaving me to scar my kids however I saw fit.

Great post.

JCK said...

Classic! It will turn him off girls for ...well, at least ...days!