Tuesday, March 11, 2008

I Must Confess...It's Tuesday #7


I can't sing. I know you're thinking, "well everyone can sing, you just don't sing well". You're wrong. I'm the exception to that rule. Some of the Farklepants family members are blessed with the gift of song. But I married into it and my maiden name is "Voicethatcausesdeath-hyphen-Spears". Karaoke is something that I will never do. My friends enjoy it. I'll watch. But there is not enough alcohol in Ireland coupled with Russia that would cause me to unleash my voice onto mankind. I could drink till I puke, I won't sing. I could be so drunk that I knock over the table when I stand up, spilling my own drink into my own purse [not that I would know anything about that] and I won't sing. Because you know what would happen if I did? There would be lots of screaming and running about as if I had just said, "In sixty seconds the Earth will smash into the sun. Where are your children?". Imagine that kind of chaos. Then there would be that one brave soul who'd take one for the team; and just as he tells the gentleman next to him to let his wife know that he loves her, and takes that flying leap...just then everyone in the place would die. So I don't sing. And the world breathes a collective sigh of relief. If I ever do, for whatever inconceivable reason; just look in the general direction of the mushroom cloud. And you will know.

*photo courtesy of the pilfered panty drawer of Yahoo movies

21 comments:

dkuroiwa said...

Tootsie...Tootsie...and for this reason, you need to come to Japan. Here we have, what they call "karaoke boxes"....usually a huge building with many, many rooms of various sizes to rent, by the hour (sometimes drinks are included!!), each room complete with its on tv monitor, stereo system and fun props!! Some rooms are just the right size for 1 or 2 or 3 people. I've gone in by myself to vent out a bit of frustration through really bad singing....and no one can hear you!! And if they can, no problem...there are many people on the same floor...must worse than you could ever be. If you just sing the Carpenters, they'll think you're a "karaoke queen"!!!
Let me know when you'll be here and I'll make the reservations!!!

Tempered Woman said...

so uhm not even in the shower?!?!?! alone and naked...

Madame Queen said...

LOL! I guess I can sing, I just don't. I'd rather take my shirt off in front of a bunch of people than sing in front of a bunch of people and believe me, that's saying something!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Finally someone who can accurately explain what I mean when I say, "I can't sing."

stephanie said...

I think we should all meet at BlogHer and decide who cannot sing the best (worst?).

I'm in.

Cheri said...

I cannot sing either. I only unleash it on my kids. Captive audience and all that. Very cute post.

stu said...

Watch out Tootsie, Stephanie will give you a run for your monyey (on the singing and possibly the drinking).

-Stu

Melissa said...

I can sing...nothing great or anything but I would do karaoke if you paid me and made sure I was drunk...we should start a band, Tootsie ;)

Lisa Milton said...

You are much wiser than most. I won't torture the masses, singing karaoke - I strive to be kind.

But alone? I love to sing. Makes me happy.

(And I can't vouch for Bad Mom's singing abilities or lack thereof, but the girl can drink. That's all I'm saying.)

jennifer h said...

"pilfered panty drawer..." Heh.

Smart thing, concealing your maiden name. You'll never see me doing karaoke either. Not that anyone would be able to hear my feeble, tone deaf voice anyway, since I can't project even bad singing.

We'll sit and drink.

Jennifer said...

I thought I could sing...until American Idol came out and people who sound like me were getting slaughtered by the judges. And to think I spent all those years singing in musicals at church. Who knows how many ears I caused to bleed?

debawriter said...

Believe me, your can't sing is better than my can't sing.

Your singing may cause the Earth to explode, but mine would lead to the complete and total destruction of the entire Universe.

Deb
sandiegomomma.com

Groovy Mom said...

But the beauty of karaoke is that everyone else is drunk so they don't care if you can sing or not. Most of the time they aren't even listening. Just show up at around midnight and sing Goodbye Earl. You'll be a hit!

HRH said...

I'm a little confused, can you sing?

JCK said...

You need to come to the BlogHer conference this summer in San Francisco. You absolutely MUST. We can sing a duet and blow up the hotel.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

No. Not in the shower. But I do admit to singing in the car alone. Alone, because the kids won't let me if they're with me. LOL!

JCK~ Your comment is going to lure the FBI to my blog. Gotta keep an eye on us moms.

BusyDad said...

Total genius! You didn't spill into your bag. You were taking it "to go" - you have found a workaround! That deserves a round of singing. Come on Tootsie, you can do it. I'll meet you at Dimples.

slow panic said...

everyone can sing in the car. EVERYONE.

Caution said...

You remind me of all the monotone people I've heard belting it out in church. I know I shouldn't judge people, especially in church, but...

Karen said...

Surely you can't be that bad. You've never sang your children goodnight songs? Or silly songs in the car?

Lulu said...

I totally sing in my car when the windows are tightly sealed shut. Then, and only then.