Friday, March 21, 2008

Tootsie Talks ~ Some People Listen

Tootsie's weekly advice column. She's no expert, although she's not really sure what constitutes "expert". If it involves school, she attended the school of Very Strong Opinions. Questions are welcomed. Answers may borderline ridiculous.


This weeks column is brought to you by Folgers and Excedrin. Not really.

Q: Karen at The Rocking Pony has a follow up to last weeks question: "You can't imagine how much I appreciate such words of wisdom (and the nod to go ahead and wring the neck) but I fear she won't live to change the attitude. So my question now would be, how do I stop myself before actually killing her?"

A: Karen, I'm going to tell you what my own mother told me, and presumably what my grandmother told her. Which, as you will quickly realize when you read the following pearls of wisdom, was probably handed down in every home in the world that ever had a child in it. And that is: Tell her to her face and often that someday SHE WILL HAVE A SON AND/OR DAUGHTER JUST LIKE HER. Call it a curse, hex, voodoo, whatever; it WORKS. And no live chickens need to be sacrificed in order for it to stick. You will take comfort in knowing her fate. And that alone will prevent you from killing her because this is something you will want to witness in the future.

Q: Allie at As You Wish would like to know: "How do you get rid of bags under your eyes? I have had them now for years and they won't go away (not that I've tried anything, but still). Besides covering them in makeup do you have any tips?"

A: I'm going to go out on a limb here but I would say that you should probably try something. And what you try depends on the source of the puffiness. If it is insufficient sleep and/or dehydration I'd advise some nap time and additional water. In light of recent news I recommend TAP. I hear it has traces of pharmaceuticals in it and who knows? It may contain a remedy for what ails you! Steer clear of the Viagra water, however. You're looking for a decrease in swelling.

The following is unsolicited advice to any retail establishment Target that sells, or shoe manufacturer Exhilaration that creates HIGH HEELS for CHILDREN. Stop it! Cease and desist! In my quest to purchase some spring sandals for my daughter, I was met with an impressive inventory of heels. Three of which are pictured below. I thought long and hard and I will tell you what; I cannot come up with any conceivable reason that a four year old would need such an item. I admit she has some large feet since she's a freakishly tall girl who can rock a size 12, but that doesn't explain the size 6, 7, 8, and so on. Don't you think that toddlers have a hard enough time in flats? My daughter is not a Bratz Doll and I don't intend to start dressing her like one. Not until she's at least twelve.



25 comments:

Cheri said...

Amen. I also do not *heart* high heels in a size 12, 13, or 1. It makes my eyeballs slam into the back of my head and my head loll over to one side.

Nicole said...

The shoes are really cute, but maybe just for special occasions/church/portrait sessions. They're definitely not practical or functional for everyday use.

Call me Ms. Maxwell said...

I listen! I listen! I jump up and down in support of your position on high heels in small girl sizes! Like the scuff-drag-scuff-drag-scuff-drag of Crocs is not bad enough...give me a pair of flat sandals for the Easter dress. Please!

calicobebop said...

AH HA! My daughter is four and wears a size 12 too! I've had a terrible time finding age appropriate shoes for her. And age appropriate clothes for that matter. I neither desire nor intend to dress my PRESCHOOLER in tops that show her belly (unless it's a swimsuit) or track pants that have "Naughty" written on the butt. Call me old-fashioned.

standing still said...

Tootsie, you are absolutely right about the "tarting up" of girl children at too early an age. In my day it was a RIGHT OF PASSAGE not a REQUIREMENT FOR PRESCHOOL that a girl receive her first heels. You had to earn it, baby. Let us hope that the girlish and cute years can be maintained by companies such as Hanna Anderson and other reasonable places.

Another reason I adore having a boy-child.

Greta said...

I am sooo with you on this one. My daughter is 5. There are a couple of girls in her class who wear go go boots. High healed, pleather go go boots. Crap, at this rate, they're going to come to school wearing bras.

jennie said...

Right on. I can't stand manufacturers sexing up my toddler.

Colleen said...

HOLY CRAP!!! Do those brown ones come in freakishly small ladies sizes, i.e. 6/6.5? Those are CUTE!
And your four year old wears a size 12? Really?? Please say she's nearly 5...please please please. Gavin is going to be 4 in a few months and wears an 8. But um, he's a bit on the short side for his age (hello 5th percentile). But I agree...no need for preschoolers (or the average elementary schooler) to be wearing heels. They'll have plenty of time to ruin their feet once they hit puberty.

Allie said...

Thanks for the advice! I don't think I will be drinking the tap water here though because it tastes like dirt. I might try going to bed a little earlier too. Maybe.

Lisa Milton said...

I'm having a miserable time finding shoes a girl can actually move in minus the skank.

I knew Tootsie would understand my pain.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Amen, sista! While Alexis does have one pair of hooker boots that may have a wee bit of a heel, she needed something to wear with her jean skirt and Steelers jersey. Apparently, even in the Toddler set, knee high boots always come with heels. Why? I don't know. I don't like it.

So, wise one, where can I find toddler shoes that aren't more hussy than the ones I weaar? I refuse to be out-hussied by a two-year old.

Marlee said...

Oh great, I hadn't even GOTTEN to the shoes yet, I'm still freaking out about the HOT PANTS Target is selling for TODDLERS!!!

Melissa said...

Holy crap! My 5 year old wears a size 11 and I will be damned before I put her in a 3 inch heel. Crap does this mean I have to buy her a pole for her 6th birthday? ;)

laughingatchaos said...

Glad I have boys...
And be VEDDY VEDDY careful about the "have a child like you" hex. I swear, somehow, my parents cursed my brother with it, the hex got screwed with out in the ether, and now *I* have that child. The one exactly like my brother. Oh, give me strength. If my brother gets the calm, sweet girls, I'm going to wring his neck.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

You can not imagine that tears my daughter shed in the Target aisle over this very issue. Well, that and the belly shirts.

In case you haven't run into it yet, underwear will soon become a problem if you don't want your 13 year old to wear thongs!

Groovy Mom said...

The heals! I know! My mom took my daughter for their annual birthday shopping excursion, and had so much trouble finding a flat sandal. My daughter won't do heals. I don't either, but that's because it makes me look BIG, and I don't like to look BIG. (Like a couple of inches makes a difference, but when I wear heals I hear from every one I meet how tall I am. :-P)

Groovy Mom said...

Um HEELS. I meant heels. :-) (I'm not just a tiny bit OCD. Really.)

Karen said...

I hear you on the girlie heels! I'm skeptical of my now 13-year-old wearing them for growing up too fast, and they expect 3 year olds to strut around in them?! Clearly, fathers and mothers are not inventing these.

And I thank you for that sage advice. You are SO right. I'll want her to live to have children that act just like she does. The good and the mouthy.

EatPlayLove said...

My 4 year old is in a 12 as well. We buy her shoes at the Stride Rite outlet, they have tons of girly age appropriate shoes, sans platforms.

Isn't it scary how mass marketing is constantly trying to push our girls to look older?

stephanie said...

We also have a strict No Hooker Gear policy in our house, which causes much sadness & drama with the girl. The Smart Moms must stand in solidarity! Even if our daughters go barefoot...

Sue said...

Fast forward a few years and I have my 9,10 year olds fighting me for bikinis that have little triangle tops. I say, leave the slutty bikinis and high heels for the moms that need a few cat calls in their daily lives!

JCK said...

I'm going to give you a TRIPLE AMEN on that last comment. Tootsie's advice as usual, ROCKS. That BRATZ doll stuff is scary and the heels...just GREAT.

Hope you have a great Easter!

HRH said...

This is exactly why God saw fit to give me three boys.

HighPriestess said...

Hey, I love those last two - but my kid is tiny for her age (so she currently wears a size 2) even though she's nine. AND she doesn't wear them with a "hoochie-mama" mini, she wears them with a long dress. Tres chic!

Tootsie Farklepants said...

highpriestess~ Your daughter has a very Vogue look to her. I predict high fashion in her future!

;)