Tootsie's weekly advice column. She's no expert, although she's not really sure what constitutes "expert". If it involves school, she attended the school of Very Strong Opinions. Questions are welcomed. Answers may borderline ridiculous.
The doctor is being seduced with
bribes gifts from the pharmaceutical representative while you are forced to wait for your scheduled appointment. Please enjoy the fifteen year old subscriptions of National Geographic or, preferably, the following advice:
Q: Burgh Baby's Mom has a toddler footwear related question: "where can I find toddler shoes that aren't more hussy than the ones I wear? I refuse to be out-hussied by a two-year old."
A: My first impulse is to tell you to throw some Crocs on her because there isn't any possible way for that affront to fashion to be in any way construed as "hussy". But I cannot, in good faith, advise anyone to ever wear that offensive footwear. How those things ever attained their popularity makes me want to weep for feet nationwide. Diligent researcher that I am, I found these, that appear to be designed specifically
to make your head explode for your Burgh Baby. Don't say I never did anything for you. You're welcome.
Q: Holly from Anglophile Football Fanatic is giving my advice a second chance and writes in via email to know: "How frumpy is it to give up highlighting my hair? It's expensive. It grows out too quickly. I always feel like I look trashy at the end of month 3....any advice?"
A: Before I start doling out the
sarcasm advice I'd like to note that Holly is being very big in asking me what I think about anything. Considering the Jon-Jon episode where I unwittingly insulted her, wholesale, and in doing so; nearly put the kibosh on a faux commitment ceremony between her and Burgh Baby's Mom. Even though between the two of you there were probably a few distant relatives that were relieved by the news of the break up, and reassured once again in the power of prayer; I did not want to see that [break up] happen. Now on to your hair. Blonde highlights are expensive. I spend in one month on my hair the equivilent to a car payment for a moderately sized economy vehicle. That is very cringeworthy. Blonde is high maintenance. Here are some options:
- Alternate your highlights between a partial and a full weave every other salon visit. A partial is usually significantly less expensive.
- I notice that you wear your hair very straight. Once it gets to the obvious, "there's a trailer in tornado alley with my name on it" roots faze, abandon your flat iron and wear it fuller. Straight hair and a straight part emphasize the roots. You want to lift the roots so that they're hidden (i.e. some curls with a big barrel 1 1/2" iron and a little teasing at the crown but don't get too 1985). And don't wear it pulled back off of your face at this point because it will look like you have a ring around your head.
- If you insist on ditching highlights altogether, I suggest going with an all over shade that closely matches your natural hue and the grow out will be considerably less noticeable. Just don't do it yourself like
mesomeone we all know and love.