You'll Take Advantage of the Nearest Mode of Transportation to Either High Five Me or Leave a Flaming Bag of Dog Pooh on my Front Porch

A proposal, AB 1940, that would allow handicapped parking spaces for all pregnant women was shot down in CA state assembly. I agree with their decision because of the classification that "all women in their third trimester - and up to two months after delivering their baby - [are] as "temporarily disabled.". I take issue with that and fall on the side of offended. I may not have been able to sleep during that time frame, and I may have had to abruptly halt trying to maneuver into an average bathroom stall and surrender to the larger stall designated for wheelchair use and extreme girth, but I could certainly walk. Well, waddle would be more accurate. In case the author of this bill isn't aware, the female body is designed to accommodate pregnancy. Albeit, uncomfortably, but designed nonetheless. Not like, lets say, an amputee. Limbs are not designed for removal. That's a disability that warrants convenient parking. I also understand that there are pregnant women who have medical issues that might necessitate such a need. I'm not talking about them. [Like, if you're pregnant with sextuplets. The female body was not engineered to carry a litter of fetuses. That was not nature, that happened in a doctors office and they all took. And now your body is saying "The hell?"] Although, I imagine those with serious medical conditions that are a result of their pregnancy are most likely on some kind of doctor ordered bed rest; and unless their mattress is located in their car, they shouldn't be driving themselves anywhere, anyway.

Also, in this modern era, you can have just about anything you need delivered to your house: prescriptions, dry cleaning, movies, dinner, and groceries just to name a few. It's what makes the Internets so sexy. That and easy access to porn. [I used the home delivery grocery service in the past. Not because I was restricted to my bed. I just thought it was kinda cool in a 1950's Lucille Ball housewife kind of way. Until they substituted my thin-sliced boneless chicken breasts with regular (higher priced) boneless chicken breasts one too many times. The kind that my children describe as "too chickeny". Once you tamper with my poultry selection because your employees are search impaired, then you relinquish your delivery fee and force me to step foot in your retail establishment]. If your pregnancy limits your ability to walk from the parking lot to the mall, then you have more serious issues than needing to pick up a few things. It is also rumored that walking may help move labor along. So strap on those Reeboks ladies. If your girth prevents you from entering or exiting your vehicle in an average sized parking spot; lay off the Taco Bell Nacho Bell Grande's. And if you park your SUV pregnant self in a compact spot, then you're just creating your own chaos. Really. Did you think that was going to be successful?

I'm so baffled by the "two month post-delivery disability" that I'm almost at a loss for words. Almost. What is the "disability" here? That it's a pain in the ass to wrestle a stroller out of your trunk and drop an infant into it? I realize that it takes a couple of outings to establish a routine. I understand. I've been that. But disabled? What about those of us whose kids are past the need for a stroller but still too young to understand that they need to keep a close eye on cars that might be backing out in a crowded parking lot? At least with a stroller the adult is in full control. The infant isn't going to suddenly dart from his five-point harness. And if he does? Start the enrollment process for MIT, right now.