Monday, March 17, 2008

She'll let a Stranger French Braid her Hair but Cry if I Brush it, W-H-A-T-E-V-E-R

Once upon a time, there was a toddler named Girl-Child Farklepants. For much of the first year of her life, she was bald. Finally sometime after her first birthday, her hair started to grow! Except it only grew on the top, in the front, and in the back. Not on the sides.


Girl-Child was a victim of the accidental mullet. Her mother wept openly at the diagnosis, but vowed to be strong and let nature take its course. It was hard. So HARD to be patient. Girl-Child Farklepants had very bad hair. It was awful. A disaster. Which is a damn shame because her mom has bitchen hair [except for that one unfortunate Dorothy Hamill fiasco when she was 9 and everyone thought she was a boy...oh, and that time she cut it all off after her first was born; the horror]. It's kinda her mom's best feature, if she were asked. Anyway, her mom tried to keep it out of her eyes and make the best of a bad situation. But Girl-Child was not one for things in her hair. She often pulled them out within four minutes of their placement there. This drove her mother insane because Girl-Child always had hair hanging in her eyes. Plus it distracted from whatever cute outfit she was wearing because she always looked unfinished.


For her second birthday she got some more hair. She was not at all excited about it; but her mother was thrilled! She finally had enough to even things out a little and joined the Posh Spice Bob Brigade:


But it was still kind of awful.


So for the next one and a half if not longer years her mother let it grow. She never cut the length and only trimmed Girl-Child's bangs when needed. And it grew very long and very well.


And on Saturday, March 15, 2008 her mother took her to the salon for kids; to cut an inch or so off the ends. Her mother forgot to bring her camera with her to document it [specifically for this post] as she had planned to do. Because her mother is an idiot. Also, the stylist at the salon French braided Girl-Child's hair. Something which Girl-Child's mother does not know how to do. Because she skipped the chapter entitled "Things Every Mother of a Daughter Must Know if you Plan to Have a Daughter" in the book about girls. And also since she doesn't know how to braid hair the way those Fray-unch do; it makes her feel less of a woman.

The End

31 comments:

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

First of all, Girl-Child Farklepants had WAY MORE hair at two than the mulleted child in my house has. So your bitchin' falls on deaf ears.

Second of all, HOLY SMOKES is she cute with braided hair!

Lisa Milton said...

I could teach the ways of the french braid, but I've got nothing on the mother/daughter drama - can't fix it at my house either.

She's darling.

Angie said...

I can sorta french braid. But, oh yeah, that's right, I only have BOYS!!! No honing of that skill here.

KEEP BELIEVING

Melissa said...

Poor mullet baby! Poor you!

I can only french braid my own hair...weird. I can't do other people's.

I brush out my nieces' hair because I'm denied that pleasure with my sons. Maybe granddaughters someday?

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I can rock the french braiding. Unfortunately my girl-spawn are havin' none of it!

She looks pretty pleased with her braids.

THE MOM BOMB said...

Ooh, she's a cutie-patootie. And she has more hair than I do.

tammy said...

I'm with Angie...have the skillz, but no one to practice on! Really. I haven't done that to my boys since they were little. Honest.

Karen said...

Alas, my girl children both were bald until almost 2 then all of the sudden they had hair! LOTS AND LOTS OF TANGLED HAIR!
And I can rock a french braid! But neither of my girls will sit still for it. So don't worry about not being able to, she wouldn't let you anyway!

Star said...

Oh thank you. You have given me hope. My girl child is afflicted with "toddler mullet" too. She is almost 2 and it is starting to hang in her eyes. After begging, pleading, holding her down, I can get a barrett in but it won't stay...too thin :(. I will water it, fertilize it and let it get enough sun in the hopes of growth.

JCK said...

GIRL CHILD is just plain adorable and more!

It is my personal theory that the little girls who are bald until 1 or beyond end up with the most extraordinary hair - color or thickness, sometimes both!

It's only been in the last couple of months that my girl will wear barrettes.

dorothy said...

Awwww I love her hair in braids! SO cute.

I can't believe you forgot your camera!!! Grr.

Groovy Mom said...

Cute pictures! My girls also cry when I brush their hair. They are prone to tangling, and I try to be gentle, but it's an ordeal every time. I'm not too good at French braiding either. :-P

Nicole said...

That snow white costume is too cute!

Allie said...

Baby Tootsie is adorable. I also do not know how to french braid. I don't have any daughters let alone any children, but I still don't know how to french braid.

OHmommy said...

I have absolutely NO IDEA how to french braid. She is a doll!

And hey... what is the title of the book you refered too? 'Things Every Mother of a Daughter Must Know if you Plan to Have a Daughter' LOL. I didn't read it.

Jennifer said...

Wow...french braids. That brings back memories. My mom couldn't do it either, but my dad could. He had dance recital duty every year.

Madame Queen said...

Punkin had the.exact.same.hair. I kept wanting it to grow but finally cut some of the back so the sides would be even and it looked so much better. Now I'm trying to decide whether to let it keep growing or cut it in a cute little bob. Punkin will only occasionally let me put it up in pigtails. And alas, I don't know how to french braid either. I mean, technically I know how, but it always ends up looking like crap.

Crafty Mom said...

She is so cute! I have two girls and can't French braid to save my life!

slow panic said...

this is why God did not give me girls.

your daughter is a cutie!!

EatPlayLove said...

My secret hair braiding weapon.. Television, my 4 year old gets so distracted I can brush and braid away! And, she also had the natural mullet, which has finally gone away.

BTW..my 15 month old is currently wearing those santa pj's..handed down from her big sis! too funny..

Colleen said...

did you or Girl-Child walk around with out-raaaa-geous accents all day after the braids? :) That's two, TWO Holy Grail references...ha ha ha.
But she looks adorable in those braids...wish I had a girl, I'd braid her hair silly. Instead I had a boy with the never-ending baby-mullet and the current baby boy who doesn't have the same mullet curse, but would probably not appreciate if I braided his hair.

HRH said...

Whatever the level of hair growth, girl-child is preciously beautiful! Wish I could send you my french braid knowledge...it is a bit wasted at my house.

ALF said...

I am so relieved to hear that Girl-Child grew out of her bad hair phase. I have been waiting 27 years to grow out of mine...

Karen said...

Tootsie, keep that girl in a bad hair cut all of her days because the boys will be all over her if they're not already. Those eyes! Wow.

Sue said...

She is so so cute! Thankfully she won't be traumatized by the mullet phase because it happened when she was so young and it wasn't her choice!

Nap Warden said...

OMG, the Snow White dress picture is priceless!

jennifer h said...

She is so cute.

My French braiding is half-assed at best. It is aided by the fact that my girl has curly hair (for traction). Fortunately, she doesn't ask for braids all that often. Whew.

Treasia said...

She's adorable. Mullet and all.

dkuroiwa said...

GirlChild is an absolute doll!! Lovin' the braid action!
Good thing I don't have girlchildren, as I never learned...but, my granny used to plait mine(Southern term for Fray-unch braids?) before going swimming and though I would cry while she was putting them in, damn, but they would last for days!!!

anglophilefootballfanatic said...

Reason 83746 I'm glad I gave birth to a boy. Hair crises? Ugh. I think I need another glass of the Mommy's Time Out Pinot.

Day Dreamer said...

My daughter is the exact same...

She fusses over every little brush stroke when I brush her hair gently. My sister combs it rough and she never notices.
:O