Project "Replace Everything Because of the New Couch" is Underway

I need new lamps. With the new couch coming, well, let me just say that this new couch is the biggest couch I've ever seen. It's enormous. It will take up more than most of our family room judging by our measurements. We measured once, twice, and also that third time very close to the kitchen. If you got a running start from our front door and swan dove into any part of our family room, you would land on a good portion of some couch. When you stick that landing, it will be done on cloud 9 seating. As in down filled. The three judges will give you a respectable 8, 5, and 9. The 5 is from the Romanian judge and she's just bitter because the other two, France and Italy, are speaking languages of love to each other and 5 feels like a third wheel. A very big prehistoric wheel made of igneous rock. That digression takes me back to lamps in no way whatsoever; except that here I am back at lamps. My obese couch (she prefers "curvy") leaves no room on either side for an end table. We could probably squeeze in one floor lamp but I'm not really a "make do" kinda gal. I want these:

...and after some searching on various sites and laughing sarcastically at their outrageous price tags [YES POTTERY BARN I DO MEAN YOU!] I finally ended up on the Bed, Bath, and Beyond site. They have them! The exact one pictured above! And for only $29.99! This prompts me to shower and drive the one mile to the store; because why order online and pay for shipping if I can practically walk there and pick them up? Imagine my disappointment when there were none on display. So I inquire. I ask the very helpful clerk - the one who offered to help me if I needed any help and just find him he'll help me - I say to him "Lamp. Wall. Swing arm. Make this happen." He says, "Lamp. Wait. Swing. What?". I explain the website and that they have them and I want them and I was hoping they were in the store. He pulls up the site on his computer. He is search challenged. He looks under lamps. A page comes up. He scrolls and declares that these are all the lamps they have and he doesn't know what I'm talking about. Clearly I'm wrong. So I point out to him that this page is only showing 40 out of 347 items found. Look harder. Which I don't even need or want him to do because if all he's doing is looking on the website I can do that from the comfort of my own home. With liquor. Clothing optional. But now it's a challenge. And I loves me one of those. Especially when someone doesn't believe me and metaphorically pats me on my little lady head. So he starts scrolling and clicking and scrolling some more. "Are you sure it was this site?". "Yes." "Can you describe it again?". "It's a sconce." "A sc...what?". "A s-c-o-n-c-e". "A sconce?". "Yes." "Hmmm...I don't see...". "It's right there." "Where?". "The word s-c-o-n-c-e. Right there." [insert exaggerated pointing here] "Where?". "RIGHT THERE! HIGHLIGHTED! YOU'RE RESTING ON IT! CLICK! CLICK RIGHT NOW! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY CLICK BASTARD! CLICK!" click "Oooohhhhh yeah, we don't have these in stock in the store." No. duh. "I can order them for you from here though". Really? Because I don't think you can. I just don't think you're capable of it. In 4-7 business days I'll end up with a very nice set of steak knives and a shower caddy delivered by UPS. "Yeah, ummmm, I'm just gonna go ahead and order those from home...mmmmkay? Mmmmmkay."